Tuesday, March 31, 2020

Musings on April Fool's Eve, 2020

Wouldn't it be awesome if we woke up tomorrow morning to CNN's banner headline

The good thing about common experience is that everyone knows and understands what you're expressing.
The problem with common experience is that everyone already knows and understands what you're expressing. If you can't bring something new to the party, you'd best just stand over there in your usual corner, smirking and murmuring like you always do(and by you I mean me).

I am a reactor. I rely on others for the setup; I can usually provide the punchline. Nature abhors a vacuum - my life sucks if I can't find material. The proper levels of pressure and anxiety typically induce humor; If I seem to you to have no sense of humor it would be wise if you increase your social distancing exponentially. My sense of fun has been self-isolating for a couple of weeks now. I actually laughed out loud, last night, in a group conversation online with my gaming friends. It was respite, it was recharging, and ultimately (and alliteratively - as a preacher's kid who has heard a few lifetimes of sermons, alliteration forms in my head quite effortlessly) restful.

In an effort to possibly divert us both, let me relate the following: I am in a live and let live struggle with a rat. A few weeks ago, I opened up the hood of our Kia to find a plethora of rat feces and palm tree seed shells all over the top of the engine cover and battery. Gloves, Shop vacs and Simple Green are made for times like these. After cleaning that up, I spent an hour or two down the rabbit hole of internet pest removal and deterrence, from elixers to electronics. As it is the internet, each remedy had enthusiastic boosters and acerbic critics. I did consider placing a trap on top of the engine, but, as the critter had done no real damage to things like wiring, I really just want(ed) the problem to go away. I decided (since we already have a supply) to strategically place some dryer sheets around the battery and hoped for the best. Didn't check it for a week or so (the car's going nowhere right now) mainly due to these other distractions, like facing the horrific proposition of no lettuce or sour cream, ultimately solved by aggressive shopping. Opened up the hood a few days ago to find a smattering of the aforementioned poop to nuts. I think it's more due to the fact that I swept up a large portion of said palm tree fodder on an actual sunny weekend day a while back. The dryer sheets probably just served as a tablecloth - FOR HIM TO POOP ON (thank you Triumph the Insult Comic Dog).

I then decided to purchase a spray bottle of "Rodent Vehicle Natural Repellent . . . peppermint and other essential oils to deter rats, mice, and squirrels." Assuming that this description dos not actually imply that I now own a "Rodent Vehicle", I forged ahead  and applied it to the engine bay, wiring, and battery. It actually smells kinda nice, hope rattus inconsiderous doesn't take it that way. No new action as of yesterday; my new hobby for the forseeable future fills me with anticipation.

I think my mood is improving. I don't know the expression for a feeling north of ennui yet south of ecstasy (oh the allure of alliteration), I was quite happy to only have to go to one grocery store for 98% of supplies (I so wanted to type sundries and supplies, but I suppressed it, sorry), yesterday. I smirked at those driving by with masks on ALONE IN THEIR CARS on the way home.

If you've read this far, I'd like to read of your recent misadventures or things you might like me to react to. Or just say hello. I think we need to match social distancing and flattening the curve with closing the gaps we've created. Thanks.