Friday, September 24, 2004


There is nothing more intimidating than a blank sheet of paper or screen. I'm not sure why I've started this; like many things in this life, I feel like I'm supposed to. I mean, everybody else is.
I am creating this because I have found myself ranting on a couple of online forums, and in e-mails, to the point where it has occurred to me that it should be done somewhere else. I don't know if I have anything of particular value to add to the tsunami of information coursing around this planet, we'll have to see.
I am a middle-aged white man, with a wife and 2 small children. I have sought a career, and then short-circuited it in search of a greater life through parenthood. I have subsequently been removed from that career only to find myself working at a "lower" position in the same company, 4 years later, with no apparent direction or course in sight. In that respect, I'm like the majority of the people I know.
I am the son of an evangelical minister, therefore I have common "baggage" with a subset of Americana. Like many of my generation, I consider myself a "person of faith", without necessarily identifying wholeheartedly with any group. Being a Preacher's Kid (PK) has been a "mixed blessing", providing many opportunities, as well as feeding my paranoia and general feelings of being an observer, an outsider to the "normal" life that probably doesn't exist (always a present and future topic of mine, as you may see).
I am the father of a beautiful, 5 year old wonder named Emma. Emma has Down Syndrome, Trisomy 21. This makes me a "special needs" parent. Another "pigeonhole", a way of putting you on notice that I am "challenged" in a way that makes me look at the world differently than you've probably had to. While wisdom is great, for me it has been accompanied by great anger. There's an old punk tune (boy, does that sound weird) that repeated "ANGER IS AN EN-ER-GY" over and over, it has been my mantra for some time now. And then there are the sweet, innocent face and hands of my Emma, and the pure love that she emanates into my world.
My life has become an immense conundrum. Pain and joy. The presence of Sin and the Glory of God. The tremendous value of Life and Love, and the realization that Love is being taken away before it begins. The fact that Hot Dogs come 10 to a package, but buns are only 8.